should've seen this coming should've known better. come on, yingqi, you're not important. give it up let it go.
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i still want you back.
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i love you, michelle. i always will. you really really are the best. and you're the only one for me.
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guess you don't read this blog anymore huh. haha that's for the better i guess. maybe you do but you just don't react/don't say anything to me. i can't force you to say anything so.. yup. yknw, i had so much to say to you that's why i came here. but once i started to type i sort of forgot everything already. i still cry every night yknw haha stupid and childish right. and you probably would hate me when you read this or something. like go all 'huh wth why's she being so lame why's she still holding on why can't she let go' and i want myself to let go you know. sometimes i'm really thinking of asking you for a clean break, for time out. but i can't bring myself to do it. cause i know that i'll regret it and that i won't be able to live a day without you. i really feel so damn fucking stupid i want to just kill myself. if you do happen to be reading this don't worry i'm not about to pick up the penknife and start cutting. i'm going to talk to people online who'll ensure i don't cut, i guess. yup. i really hope you're happy. i know you're the sort who doesn't really say much. being with you for so long, i guess i can safely say i know you well. but sometimes i still don't know what you're thinking cause you don't say it. and you don't say stuff cause you know they'll hurt me. but thing is, i can't even guess from your tone/expression if you're hiding something. and then i'll always start accusing you of stuff which isn't true. so yeah, sometimes i just don't know what to say.
anyway, i was flipping through, or rather, reading, my '07 student diary. and i miss you. i miss you so much. no point in my saying this now haha, i know that. everytime i msg you 'i miss you' or whatever you don't even seem to reply to that part. so yeah. you probably didn't notice but it means something to me. but it's okay. if you are reading this, you don't have to care about how i feel. don't worry i'm gonna be fine. yup. okay. i should shut up now or else when you read this you're gonna be scared/hate me or something.
so i'll just end by saying that i promise i'll always be there for you, no matter what. but you don't have to feel obliged to be there for me. if you're free and all then yup it's good. but if you're busy i really won't bother you with my stuff. you've a lot more important things in your life, really. don't ever let me stop you from achieving what you want or yeah, getting what you want. i don't want to get in the way of your goals. k that's all. i really really hope you're happy. cause that is, still, the most important thing to me.
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i miss you yingqi ):
If youre lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you Ill be waiting
Time after time
i'll always be here dearest, i love you (:
do you remember?
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you're still my only one. i'm half hoping you never ever read this. it'll just make things harder. i really wanna ask you if you still like me, but i'm fucking scared of hearing the answer. i'm still telling myself to quit thinking about this, but it isn't getting easier. i hate the way i'm feeling towards you. and i hate myself for feeling this way. doesn't really make sense huh. i think i loved you too much. but i don't think it was a mistake. i don't know.
And all I know is I feel lost without you
“I miss you” is not enough
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With the sound of the ocean crashing,
7:30 Friday evening,
Everything comes tumbling down
I choke back each tear that bleeds,
I'd rather rest forever in your arms
I'd rather stay here, than go,
But I know that I should leave
As I sit here helpless
(Don't go) You said you wouldn't, You said you wouldn't
(Don't go) You said you wouldn't, You said you couldn't
(Don't go) You said you wouldn't, You said you wouldn't
(Don't go) You said you wouldn't, You said you couldn't
I think of our time together,
Is it faded, or am I dreaming?
Everything you said lives on
I cherish our memory
I wanna kiss your tears away tonight
It's hard to give up the one you never thought you'd leave
Don't go
Don't go
Your eyes see through my soul
Don't go
Don't go
You say, as I walk out your door
With the sound of the ocean crashing,
7:30 Friday evening,
Everything comes tumbling down
hey, i doubt you even read this blog now. anyway, i think i'm just gonna blog here cause it kinda seems like i'm talking to you and i'm trying not to talk as much, to make this easier for both of us. i cried during fencing camp today, i really felt so empty inside and i felt so alone. but don't worry no one saw so it was pretty much okay. but then when i stepped into my room i started crying again, uncontrollably. everything reminds me of you. i saw the halfeaten pushpop that you bought for me, stuff you drew on my whiteboard, the drawer with all the letters you wrote to me inside and the list goes on. yeah. i'm not gonna tell you all these cause it's just gonna upset you even more. and much as i want to get back together with you, i'm not gonna say anything cause i know how hard it is for you already. i'm gonna be okay so don't worry about me. don't blame yourself for anything, nothing's your fault. i just hope you don't regret getting together with me. if you do, just tell me. and when you don't like me anymore just tell me. don't care about how i feel. it really isn't that important, or that big a deal. i just want you to be okay. as long as you are happy, i will be. if you find some guy you really like and you know he's gonna make you happy, i'm gonna be really happy for you. don't worry about me being jealous or whatever shit. i just need to know you're okay and someone's there to take care of you. yup. that's all. take care yeah :)
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I wonder why I let you fucking disappoint me time and again. Yeah I don't believe in the 'She happy, I happy' theory. That is bullshit, can't you see how much I want you? And I'm trying to fucking hard to make this work but you're not doing anything at all. Any idea how I feel when I see you?
Nah, didn't think so.
And you, I miss you.
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